The Flame
The Flame : Does it burn or warm you?
The question I posed, is a rhetorical question and one that is similar to the glass half full/half empty perspective. I’ve been kicking around blog topics and then this struck me this morning that my transparency with my own struggles and difficulties will be the best conversation starters because they are real.
I had an experience recently that I wanted to touch on because I think wellness is about personal growth, and in that growth WHO we surround ourselves with is such an integral part of the journey to find freedom in our wellness. I often find wellness conversations only focus on what you’re eating, how many burpees you did today, and whether you are getting enough vitamin D. While I understand the necessity to talk about these things as I myself do too, I want to delve into the not so common topics related to wellness. Kind of the oozy, warm, and soft threads of our well-being today.
Not too long ago, I was approached by someone who was genuinely asking how I was doing. First off, how wonderful that someone took the time to ask and I could tell they really desired to know the answer. Doubly good! This wasn’t a stranger, but someone who I don’t often see, and yet she was very engaging and I found myself being quite open and honest with no hesitation. Love those interactions! I started to explain WOW and this passion of mine, and what I had been up to with this movement. Then I hesitated and put on the brakes. I immediately became aware there were others in the vicinity, within earshot whom I knew had been turned off by this new venture of mine. I found myself shrinking and almost trying to change the subject, because I didn’t want to offend or come off as bragging about this part of my life. I was actually very self-conscious and instead of so easily going into the joys, the connections, the friendships, the love of highlighting other women which is my truth, I started trailing off. I didn’t want to talk about WOW any longer and I didn’t want others to hear me talking about WOW for fear that this would come off as boastful, arrogant or really that it wasn’t that big of a deal. False. It is a big deal to me. It is an important piece of my life and I have been working diligently on this for quite some time now.
I failed in that moment to be the woman that I want other women to be. I fell short and caved and did exactly what I preach and encourage others to not do. I changed WHO I was in that moment, and curtailed my passionate conversation. Instead of being confident in myself and my journey, I changed the subject to something else that was “safer” to talk about so those within earshot wouldn’t find me so annoying and full of myself.
“Seriously Jen? It’s (WOW) what I’ve been up to and honestly it has been such a rewarding venture, so why would I not want to talk about it, especially when the interested party was engaged?”
In reflecting on this very scenario, I once again double down on how important your circle is to your well-being and wellness. My flame (which I believe each one of us has) was self-extinguished for fear it would burn or harm another person during that very experience. Sadly, if I would have been faithful to my fiber and continued my conversation with this woman, perhaps she would have warmed herself with my flame. But I didn’t even give it a chance. I was too concerned with what others were thinking at that very moment and this is why your environment is so important to your success with your goals in life. Wellness goals or any goals for that matter.
In short, I want to spend time engaging, laughing, building, and loving with people who want to be fanned by my flames, and vice versa; a mutually beneficial relationship. If someone is feeling burnt, singed or extinguished by my passion, or by even my existence, I choose to move on or limit my time with that person. My dad always taught me to surround myself with people who are smarter than me, who have more experience than me, and learn from them. I have always kept that close to my heart and I purposefully seek out those who I think are ass-kickers in life and I want to pick their brains. I admire them, because they’re clearly doing something right. I don’t find myself envious or jealous of their flames, but I find my own warm glow growing when I am around others who are passionate about life.
Don’t dampen your flame. Just don’t. Easier said than done, because I crouched. If we can’t feel good about our passions, dreams, goals and who and what we want to be, we might as well pick out the headstone now and wait for our turn, because frankly without hope, death inside creeps in. I don’t know about you, but I’m not that person and I have a lot of living left to do!
Instead, seek and search until you find those who fan your fire, who become inspired by the warmth of your drive, and who want to see you flourish without thinking that by doing so, it takes anything away from them.
Your fire will not extinguish another person’s flame. In fact, two people who want to work together, combine their kindling and support each other in their endeavors will have a much greater success of doing so, rather than forging ahead all alone. While going the road alone is possible, it’s not ideal. If we find a select few to sit around our fire, this will indeed multiply the opportunities for EVERYONE to be successful in their quest of loving their lives, accomplishing wellness goals and feeling really of value to those you are sitting next to. This is a win-win.
Pick your posse carefully. High achievers find other high achievers. When people are confident, they don’t get burned by the flames of others. They pick up a bellow and help stoke your coals. They want you to be successful because success breeds success. Positivity is the same way. There’s no room for criticism, hate, envy or jealousy when a person is truly confident in the direction they are headed and how they are going to get there. If you are a person who is lacking this compass and self-esteem, find someone who you know shines brightly! Ask them to mentor you, seek their advice, spend time in their presence, learn, grow, absorb, and you will become more enthused, more positive and more productive. I promise you this.
Highly successful and content people also want others to join them. They feel there is enough room for everyone at the table. They usually are some of the first to invite you to take a seat there with them. Unfortunately, it’s easier in this day and age to stand at an arm’s length away from the table and complain about how easy those at the table have it. While their perception is focused on how bountiful the food is, and how spoiled those who eat it are, they likely didn’t see the work in the back room to prepare the feast, from planting to harvest and everything in between, including the sweat, labor and dirt on the hands of those who are feasting.
I want you at the table. I’m not claiming I’m highly successful but I do want to help others feel empowered to make great and/or better decisions regarding their wellness. I have a candle that I will use to help light yours. WOW is a tool to do just that. I will share my dinner with you, and want you to reach your level of desired wellness and I won’t feel burnt when you surpass me. That’s the goal. Exceed the leader. Do better than I have done. The mark of a great coach and leader is when their student is far greater than they ever were.
Takeaways today:
1) What’s your flame (truth/passion/fiber)? If you don’t know, keep discovering and learning this about yourself.
2) Who is helping to stoke the coals and fan the fire and who is pouring water on those flames when you’re not looking? Once you determine this, start to make changes to find the fire starters and stokers who you can flourish with. Your environment is CRUCIAL to your well-being and contentment in life.
3) Be you as only you can be. To be anything different than who you are is a disservice to the world. Seriously. Do not let anyone else’s insecurities impact who you are and/or your goals.
4) Find those who build bigger fires than yours and learn from them. Seek out their expertise.
I hope you found this at least thought provoking and worthwhile. Sometimes we need a jolt or an experience to steer us in the right direction again. This recent setback was exactly what I needed to keep forging ahead. Finding other WOW Women, helping them connect and building our own firestorm is what is keeping me warm and lit on this rainy and foggy Monday.
Warmly,
Jen